As most of you know, I was a licensed trauma therapist before retiring. I sat with people who suffered devastating losses for more than 40 years. Here are a few suggestions.

​

• Call it what is – devastatingly terrible. It is not useful to use euphemisms like “They are in a better place;” “God never gives us more than we can handle;” “Everything happens for a reason;” or “Someday we will understand why.” We believe that Job was the first Book of the Bible written, and in it, Job loses everything – and Job knows he did not deserve it. He challenges God and finally realizes that God did not make the terrible things happen, but God never stopped being aware of Job’s suffering. God walked with Job through it.

• Another word to avoid is “closure.” In traumatic deaths like this, closure is never complete. The millions of people closely affiliated with the victims will be dealing with the flood until the day they die.

• Limit the amount of it you watch on television. If our watching could somehow help the families, of course we would do it. But it doesn’t. Young children especially do not benefit from seeing pictures of children like themselves who were killed. Also, the same footage may be shown time after time and children can think it is happening all over again. They may not know geography or distance and may think it is happening here.

• If the children are aware of the floods and it begins to rain, say something like, “The rain might make you a little afraid, especially since we know about the floods. What questions do you have about where and how much it might rain here now?”

• If you talk about it at home, remind your children that it is your job to keep them safe and that you will always do the best job you can. Give them lots of choices (which helps them have a sense of their own control). However, this is also a good time to tell them “no” because something might not be safe. A good example is parents who check out gun availability in homes their children are going to visit. A good entry is, “I just wanted you to know that my child is allergic to XX. And I always check to see if you have guns at your house and, if so, if they are locked away.”

• In conversing adult to adult about the floods, avoid blaming anyone or anything. One of the most inhumane things we can do is decide that we know why bad things happen, especially natural disasters. For the love of God (and I do mean this literally), remember that the rain falls on the just and the unjust. God did not do this. Nor did any particular group of people. It will take months or years before it can be determined if something is ultimately to blame.